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Penitence (X-men: First class)
Title: Penitence
Rating: PG
Warning: Angst, major character death.
Pairing: Erik/Charles
Word count: 1050~
Summary: His body doesn’t have skin yet, but his head is already complete. He's a perfect copy of what Erik... was.
Notes: Totally based on this amazing art by shizuke :

You can find it here: Please go there and tell her how wonderful her art is!

Thanks to imprintofadream for being my beta!! :D

Charles types the code, closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath.

The doors open and he goes in, slowly, with his wheelchair – ignoring all the prototypes, the mechanic legs he designed but couldn’t bring himself to put on (the wheelchair was his penitence, a reminder, don’t forget this is all your fault).

And there he is.


Not really Erik, not yet. His body doesn’t have skin yet, but his head is already complete, a perfect copy of what Erik… was.

After it happened, Charles started to work hard, only stopping when his body couldn’t take it anymore. He designed his mechanic legs just to keep his mind busy with something that wouldn’t let him think of anything else. He finished the legs, but decided he wasn’t going to fix himself (penitence, this is your fault, you don’t have the right to get better, you couldn’t fix him). Instead, he built a body, a head, a face. His face, so he would never forget. So he could have him back. So he could die every time he saw him and think I deserve all this pain.

Erik lies on the table, and he looks like he could be sleeping. His face is perfect; he finished it just yesterday. Charles touches it, hand trembling. It’s too soft, but what does it matter, it’s still his face. He looks like he did before, not like that one last time, blood and pain and I can’t, Charles, I can’t, more pain.

Erik’s positronic brain has all the necessary programming, the same software all the other androids have. They have different types of personality traits stored in their brains, and each one of the androids gets their own character by mixing all of them in a random way from the moment they are turned on. Every android is unique, special.

But Erik’s personality is not yet stored into this brain. Charles plans on putting everything he knows about him, even his own memories, in Erik’s positronic brain to recreate his nature. And he’ll have him back. He will be different, but he will still be Erik.

God, he misses him so much. He would give anything to have him back now, to look into his eyes and…
And maybe he can. He really should see if everything is working for now before he starts to cover the body with synthetic skin; if anything goes wrong he can fix it more easily now. Charles could turn him on just for a second, just to make sure everything is all right…

He doesn’t think. He turns the android on.

Erik opens his eyes instantly and blinks, adjusting to the light. His eyes, just as blue as Charles remembers, curious, focus on him as he sits on the table.

His heart breaks again. It all comes back to him: the first time he saw him, chasing after Shaw, who had stolen a prototype from him. The first time they worked together, how they never agreed on anything at first. That time when a discarded positronic brain blew up and scared both of them, and how much they laughed every time they remembered the incident.

Their first kiss. Everything they had. Everything Charles took away. He should have been more careful, he was distracted, all my fault…

He can’t take this, he killed him, oh God he killed him, he wants to die, he can’t breathe. Now Erik’s here again and how can he look him in the eye, how can he forget what he did? How will he fix this? He just can’t.
Charles turns his wheelchair to leave, but something stops it. It’s Erik. He’s so beautiful and Erik and there. Don’t go, his eyes ask, for he still cannot speak. But Charles doesn’t deserve this look, this kindness. Erik should hate him, because he caused all this.

He leaves. He runs.
Charles makes an effort to calm himself. He wipes his tears and takes a deep breath. You have to think clearly, Charles, he tells to himself.

That’s not Erik, in there. It’s an android he created. That android doesn’t have his personality, or his memories, he is not going to blame him or anything, or to tell him it’s all right for that matter, because he doesn’t remember anything. Because he’s not really Erik. Erik is dead.

Some days he thinks he is going insane. Actually, some days going insane doesn’t even seem like a bad idea. But he has to focus now. He has to get back, turn that android off and keep working on it (until it’s not an android anymore, until it’s Erik), so he does.

He finds Erik standing in front of a mirror. He has something in his hands, but Charles can’t see what – he doesn’t think he can speak, so he gets closer and points to it. Erik kneels in front of him, such a human gesture, and shows him a picture of Erik and Charles, and, in the middle, the first prototype they did together, Magneto.  His heart clenches at the memory.

Erik touches Charles’s face in the photo, then points at him. Then his fingers move slowly between Erik and the prototype. Which one am I?

This android… he is not the man in the left, even if Charles wants him to be. He looks so lost, so human, but so unlike Erik.

And suddenly all the things he’s been denying to himself hit him. As much as he wants to, this android will never be Erik. He left him on for too long. This android is beginning to have his own personality, is beginning to be someone else. Erik loved that about their programming, that each one of them was different.

He wouldn’t have wanted Charles to… to kill him for Erik. Erik is not coming back anyway. Erik is dead, and even if Charles manages to get all the information he has about him into the android, it still won’t be him.
Because Erik is dead, and he is not coming back.

Charles wants to die. He should have died then, with him.

A cold, soft metallic hand places on his cheek, cups his face. Gently. The android slowly caresses his face, tries to wipe his tears away.

And Charles cries.

  • 1
Oh my, this was lovely. Heartbreaking, but lovely.

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!! :D

Ouch! And the little hints of backstory and what happened, wonderful! :)

Awww! I'm glad you liked it!! Thank you!! :D

buuuu pero por que no le puso la memoria de Erik?? se le olvido?

pienso que todavia podria reprogramarlo
me dio pena que Erik este muerto en tu historia
pero te ha quedado muy buena!!

No tía, si lo pone en la historia! xD cuando un androide se enciende empieza a desarrollar una personalidad aleatoria, y como a Charles le da un ataque de pánico y se va sin apagarlo, cuando vuelve y ve que ese no es Erik, que ya está empezando a desarrollar otra personalidad, no puede resetearlo porque sabe que Erik no querría, sería como matar al androide. Y bueno, porque se da cuenta de que por mucho que lo intente ese nunca será Erik, porque Erik murió.

Me alegra que te guste! :D
Un besito!

holy shit. that has enough angst to fill the universe! I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner and let me assure you, I love it.

Awww thank you!

Hahahah well, the art was very angsty (I mean, look at Charles's face Y_Y)

I'm glad you liked it! Your opinion's really important to me! :D

*cries too*
An amazing story for amazing art.

Aww *wipes your tears away*
Thank you so much! :D

Gorgeous, and terribly heartbreaking. I've seen the art around, and I'm so glad that I finally got my act together to read this.

Awww thank you! I'm glad you liked it!! :D And the art is amazing!!!

*friends back* :)

Awww, rompiste mi corazón ;___;

Pobre Charles, tan solo, queriendo estar con el Erik que una vez conoció y con ese final, decidiendo dejar al androide ser alguien diferente ;_; (Magnífico, by the way :)

Awwww, muchísimas gracias por comentar!! >//<

Me alegra que te gustara!!! Hubiera querido decir más cosas pero el inglés me lo impide un poco XD

A ver si pronto me decido en acabar de escribir la secuela!

Un besazo guapa, gracias!!

damn that is some angstfest I it

  • 1

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